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Guilt Giving In-Laws
Date: 01/14/2005 at 7:04 PM
Both my parents and my fiancee's live in the same town although they did not originally. We are both still in college but come home on the weekends to plan our wedding this summer. Since we are doing a large part of this on our own it requires to spend a lot of time at my parents house when we go home. My fiancees parents are making us feel guilty for not spending more time with them. Why cant they just understand what we are trying to do? I like them fine otherwise but Im worried that I wont ever be able to please them. Its really putting a lot of stress on us, I almost want to quit going home. I just wanted to get that off my chest and to see if anybody else had the same problem. Thanks, Tiff.
02/24/2005 at 10:26 AM
I actually have a somewhat opposite problem. My parents and future in-laws live about 12 hours away from each other, and my mom complained that we spend more time with my future in-laws than with them. I explained that FH's mom spent a week at our house painting 2 rooms for us, and that if she wanted to do the same, we'd be happy to have her. That cut down on the complaints. :)
As for your problem, perhaps a similar tactic would be helpful. Explain that the wedding planning stuff is at your parents' house and if they'd like to come help assemble invitations or whatnot, they're welcome to do so.
But as a gesture of good will, it might be a good idea to plan a trip or two where you can stay with your FH's parents instead of your own. Or, you might decide that there's something you don't need your FH to be present for, and have him go visit with his parents while you get something done (not sure if any of these will work, but they're at least ideas).
There is no getting around crazy in-laws. My sister has the same problem. It just comes down to a control/jealousy issue. It seems like in every marriage somebody's family is more overbearing while the other one gets the shaft. We can all look forward to being like this someday
I am kindof in a situation similar to yours, we are currently living with my soon-to-be in-laws and I love how his family wants to help but sometimes I want to do it alone or with my fiancee. So, we just have to work on stuff away from the home or at my parents' home.
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