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13 October 2006
So I guess it began in the Commons at Dordt College. The soccer team always arrives early for tryouts, as does the volleyball team. This is typically one of my favorite times of the year because I am usually single, and the new freshman are on their way in. Well I was sitting there with our team after one of our grueling four-a-days, eating some lunch when I looked up and saw Erin for the first time.
Although I was excited to see my girlfriend of a month or so, I felt it was ok to be friendly to an incoming cutie. I told Sean, “There she is.”
He knew what I meant because it had happened before. She was the one I would flirt with. I had no intentions of dating her, although the idea of having a girl from Washington (let alone Mt. Vernon) excited me. However, she was attractive and I left it at that.
The next time I saw her I was dragged along as Sean wanted to watch some of the intersquad scrimmage the volleyball team was putting on. So I went along and saw Erin once again. I made eye contact once and shared the good news with Sean… he laughed. Then a second time and I was satisfied. We left to lift and then to the locker room. Shortly after, while getting ice, we ran into Erin and Andrea and both said hi and introduced ourselves. That was the first conversation.
When I got back to my room late that night, I had a new friend request on facebook and I accepted Erin’s request with a smile. We then shared a few slightly flirtatious messages, innocent but possibly wrong as I still had a girlfriend and she hadn’t been but a week out of hers. The next step was breaking the five minute mark.
It was weird that we talked in messages but shared little more than a hello outside of the internet. But then again, we didn’t want to make anybody mad at us. I had been planning on ending my current relationship for a while, but wanted to make sure we ended on good terms. The night before I ended this, I was up late one night drawing a picture when UW Volleyball came on. It was 1:30 in the morning but I knew Erin stayed up late and loved the dogs, so I gave her a call. She made her way over and talked with a taken individual until four in the morning or so, paying little attention to the volleyball game she couldn’t wait to see… haha.
I later learned that she liked me during this time, but was asking if that made her a whore since I was not single at the moment. Her friends answered no - as I would have.
The next step, after my breakup, was making sure she knew I did like her. After our ten o’clock class, which we often talked after, we made our way to the grill to eat. However, I didn’t have my card and the hours weren’t right for her to use hers. So we decided to just sit and hang out. We talked for nearly an hour, but I still doubted that it had meant anything. I knew girls decently well and they don’t often understand when guys are hitting on them. So as far as I could tell, she could think I was just being nice. A nice senior guy who thought she was a cute freshman.
I missed a part earlier when I went to a volleyball game and watched Erin play. We made eye-contact several times, which I thought was fun. However, Sean once again scolded me since I wasn’t single at that time either.
Well now I had to make a move. It was early after my and her relationship had ended, but I knew I liked her and wanted her to know. So I asked if she wanted to go to a movie over tri-state since my ex would be gone and not many people would find out. We were both busy and Saturday night was sketchy whether or not it would work. But it was an effort at least.
Then it happened. One night I came up from working in the game room and she was playing piano with another guy. She called me over, which made me think maybe she didn’t want to be alone with him. I had to sit and pretend to do homework because I have to admit, I was angry. Then, after some time flipping through my notes, they left… out the back way. I followed from a ways away, careful not to be seen because then they would know I didn’t need to study but was there for other reasons. He didn’t walk her all the way to Covenant so that was encouraging.
I knew after this that I had to make a for sure date soon. So I asked her to go out that Wednesday night. We did dinner and a movie, with a little Wal-Mart in the mix. It was fun, and I held her hand. Although that was awkward since it was quite soon for her, and she didn’t exactly accept my invitation. But we talked, figured things out, and it worked. My goal for the night was to hold her hand because I thought that would secure it.
Soon after the hand-holding I knew it was going to work as she began coming over nightly to do homework and watch movies. I think the flowers I bought her were a surprise, but a good one. At this point, I couldn’t spend enough time with Erin. She made me happy and my whole day was spent in excitement that I’d be with her that night. However, I thought she still may have doubts because of her warnings about me and my record with previous girlfriends, which was short and sour to say the least.
21 October 2006
Now it has been a week since we started dating. She met my parents and liked them - the feeling was mutual. She’s the sweetest girl I have ever met and I hate not being with her. I have not felt like this before. I always thought I would be scared when I first felt this way about someone. Actually, truthfully, I thought I would date someone for a long time before feeling this way about them - and knowing they felt the same.
So what’s the deal with love? When do you know if you love someone? Because if it is better than this then I can’t wait! Things are going so well now that if love is better I will be blown away.
We picked our song recently - The Day Before you, by Rascal Flatts - and we couldn’t have found a better one. I never want to go back to the day before her. It’s scary to think that she’s my better half. My relationship history was so broken. I was in so many relationships where I settled for what was there. And there were times in my life when I thought that love would develop out of something average. I was busy looking for someone that I could live with… not someone I could not live without.
Erin is someone that I don’t want to be apart from. She makes me happy. I don’t care what is going on where, or who is there. If I’m with her, nothing could be better. The day before her, I would search for happiness in so many places and never found true happiness apart from time with God. Now, there isn’t a second that I’m without her that I don’t miss her.
I have to say I hadn’t necessarily given up on finding love, but I was beginning to doubt. I was fearing that I may have to settle - or not that I may have to, but I may simply choose to because I wanted to be with someone.
That was all the day before you. Now your here, and everything’s changing. Suddenly life means so much. I can’t wait, to wake up tomorrow, and find out this promise is true. I will never have to go back to, the day before you.
In your eyes I see forever, makes me wish that my life never knew, the day before you. But Heaven knows those years without you, were shaping my heart for the day I found you. You’re the reason for all that I’ve been through. Then I’m thankful for the day before you.
29 October 2006 - A fun email, with her beside me.
Dear Erin,
Often times, I wait til night to see the beauty in your eyes. My day is spent anxiously awaiting your touch, your smile, your sweet words of kindness and care. I feel as though if a night were spent without you, I may crumble to pieces. There is an emptiness that once claimed its place in my heart. An emptiness that you have removed, and filled with joy. A joy far greater than any I imagined one may one day replace in my life. It would take me days, months, years to express in writing the feelings buried within the depths of my heart. I want so badly to tell you how I feel, and continually struggle to voice my emotions. Instead, I beg of you to simply understand the immense care I have for you, and to realize that your happiness gives birth to my joy and gladness. Thank you... for being you, and completing me.
Love,
Brett
6 November 2006
We locked eyes in a seemingly endless, or so I hoped, moment.
And so it started…
Although you were in your freshman year,
the path I desired to travel appeared shockingly clear.
The beauty in your eyes, your smile, your stare,
Made me realize that to this day, my life had been bare.
Missing something special, a unique endeavor,
Missing that someone, who would cherish my love forever.
I knew it was you, but it’s taken forever to see,
That spark in your eyes, God has long saved for me.
Now it’s my turn, to offer my heart,
To my beautiful princess, God’s finest work of art.
And I guess it’s weird that this email is the truth. She is the one that I have been waiting for. The one that actually completes me. Everything about her makes me happy, and from her words and visible emotions, I cannot help but remain confident that her feelings are the same. So then we come to love. I do not know what love is - but if it is a confidence in your feelings for the other, a desire to please the other, to be with the other and to comfort the other, a connection with the other shared with no one else, a morally structured relationship with the other, and an intimate relationship desired to be shared with no one else, ever, than the other - than I may be close. Extremely close. She’s my other half, my better half, that makes me whole. These clichés work extraordinarily well for an explanation of my feelings. In the stresses of life, I can always find happiness in her eyes, her touch, her kiss, or simply knowing she’s there for me, forever.
September 11, 2007
And these words are still true. You far exceed anything I dreamed that I could be with. I now know what love is. It is pushing past your own desires to ensure the happiness of the other. I know that I would do anything for you, and will live my life displaying this true love for you. You are special. The only one I will ever lay desirable eyes on for the rest of my life. I mentioned early that love is something you can't live without, and I am having a difficult time being away from you. I just keep going, knowing that we will see each other again soon, and happiness will fill my heart. Sleeping with your warmth beside me. Working until I can return home to see you. Sharing everything with the other. These are things that excite me to an indescribable extent. I love you.
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